01.

I will hide myself for you,
I will keep my heartbeat buried underground;
without a word,
without an ounce of worry.

I will conceal all I am,
all the traits you like and moments you prefer
will be waiting,
will be further from me.

You deserve the very best of what you choose.
I will preserve it, until aching hearts are soothed.
How we word it doesn't matter, how it's viewed
is where its worth is. I will save myself for you.

02.

I am treasure on the sea floor
with an ache to be removed.

I'm a city built of gold
hoping to be discovered soon.

You are worth your waiting heart,
you are diamond and doubloon.

You are all the worth that matters;
I am ever needing you.

03.

You're the rhythm in my cavern,
giving meaning to my chest.
You're the emblem in my pattern,
the completion of my crest.

You are more than I imagine,
so I'll give to you my best.
You are more than I can fathom,
so in you I'll find my rest.

04.

You
make newness.

We
will press on through this.

Our
future is waiting.

I'm
anticipating.

05.

life,
without the shadow

by: skerd22

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. ~ Neil Gaiman

I had 2 classes today..from 10am-6pm. Typography. Photography. I'm fascinated...it was awesome. Gonna be busy from today til March. Once again, no time for myself. Photography class was going great for a while..until an image of you came fleeting into my mind. Why'd you have to appear? Why'd you have to linger around? It's bad enough that you appear in my dreams 2 days in a row. Sometimes I wake up and the only thing I can think about is you. I don't know how I ended up like this. You've become such an important part of me. I'm always better whenever you're around. You bring out the better part of me..you bring out the good side of me. I'm selfish, but I'm willing to share with you. I'm quiet, timid and shy, but I can say what's on my mind when I'm with you. I hardly smile..but with you, my lips just breaks into a smile every now and then. It's easier to breathe when you're here. But you're not..you're not here tonight...or any other nights. All I have is that old picture of us..smiling. For once, there's a reason for me to smile. You're my everything. I kinda love / hate that at the same time. But I've to live with it..cos it's the only thing I have right now.

Urgh. Fight on bunny. Lighten up..tomorrow will be a better day. On a lighter note, I am looking forward to creating my typography journal. :)

I give up..trying to hide this. I can't. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's true. Without your presence, I am nothing but an empty shell..a walking zombie. I'm not really alive..
Last night I dreamt about us..I've never smiled that way before. Only you can make me. Only you can break me. So go ahead..do what you do best.

Let's summarize the year shall we?
Jan - I was still doing mass comm
Feb - Still doing mass comm. Got to talking with an old friend.
March - Trying to get to know my old friend even more.
April - STILL DOING MASS COMM -.-! & I always whine and complain to him about school.
May - Finally met my friend when I turned 20, it was the best birthday ever. We clicked straight away and oh..I had econs paper the next day.
June - It was the first time I was so close to someone, it actually felt comfortable. We called each other names ^^. I started working in Muji.
July - Still in Muji. Enjoying my work life. It was just me, work and alcohol. And out with babe.
August - Babe was involved in ndp and was very very busy..so I hardly talk to him.
September - Enrolled for RDI. Excited, nervous and excited and nervous again. The phone calls and text msgs got lesser and lesser and it was around this time that he told me he's interested in a girl. I was so happy for him. Then I hardly spoke to him.
October - School started for me...I got busy and before I knew it, school has taken over his place.
November - Busy like a bee, I practically ignored everyone except for my clique and vernie.
December - This has been a good month for me filled with happiness, joy, laughter and a little bit of tears. All's good baby!

To all the new friends I've met this year, it's good to know you guys.
To Joyee, Isabell and Sukie, you girls make college so much better. My days became happier too!
To Joann, thanks for helping me out that night. (:
To Vernie, I enjoyed all those talks..wait til Feb and we'll go out moreeeeee ok? And..SUBCREW.
To LSQ xiao di, thanks for being there all the time, it was good knowing you ^^
To SY, I can go on and on about you, but I won't. You've played a great part in my 2009, I hope you'll still be in my 2010 because you're the one friend I can't do without. Thank you so much for all the late night phone calls and text msgs and meet ups. We joke, laugh, tease, play, smile, annoy each other, get pissed off at each other..you're like a best friend to me. Let's fulfill our goals in 2010 yeah? We'll improve ourselves everyday. You're right, I am cute. HAHAHA! I appreciate the few times you came down to where I was just to pass me money or something else I can't live without. If I ever pissed you off so bad..please forgive me. I am annoying but accept that fact. :)

Sometimes, at one point or another, nothing or nobody makes you feel interested anymore.
I just live for the moment, something amazing and interesting at the same time. I don't care who's going out with who, who's doing who, who just wants what from who, I couldn't care less..so don't tell me. Stop telling me things I don't want to know. Stop asking me stupid questions as well. Don't give me pet names like dear, honey, sweetheart, darling, baby..I'll send you straight to hell. Sorry, I'm so cranky this morning. :(

2010 will be a good year ya? Powerhouse tomorrow with xiao di. <3

To feel so alive and want somebody
It's not make believe my world would be for you
And only you

You make me fall and I can't sleep..

That song is awesome. & so are you.
I'm glad I missed out on zoukout, cos I wouldn't miss whatever happened last night for the world. Hey spammer, are you reading this? I forgot to mention how happy I was last night. I finally get to see that face after 6 months. Almost. I'm so happy I don't care how much work I have right now, it was all worth it. I'm so stoked.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love residing at the east coast of sunny Singapore? Fyi, I've been here for 11 years. First I was at Siglap, then I moved to Lorong J and now I've settled down at Katong. This area has everything I need! Already we have 2 starbucks (Parkway Parade & Siglap), I'm 0 minutes away from all the good food, just have to walk a bit and there's the beach! What more can I ask for?

Growing up at the east side has been the best memories I have ever since I moved to Singapore. It feels like home!! I can never imagine myself living at any other part of Sg..sure I don't mind having a sleepover at Tampines or Tiong Bahru or CCK, nothing feels like Katong I swear. The Laksa, Prata, Mee Goreng and...other food that makes me drool right now.....
East side is the place to be. Nuff said, I'm gonna enjoy my prata now.

P.S / I miss tay ban guan!!

A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires

And you can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes

A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say youre getting better
But you dont feel any better

Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better

You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my

In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes

Thom Yorke gives me eargasmic. He'll definitely be in my favorite playlist. 12 more days ftw. Today I'll try to complete the 4 class assignments. I've 6 hours. Caught New Moon last night..with Jo. :D
I can't deny, I love the Twilight Saga. But I don't squeal when I see Edward or Jacob on screen!! Maybe deep down inside I did, BUT NOT OUT LOUD. I need my holiday..I need to read New Moon. I need to have fun. Check back in an hour or so..hopefully I'll be done with at least 1 assignment.

P.S - I don't know why I told you I missed you. Perhaps it's only because I wanted to know if you missed me too. But you don't. I'm glad I didn't waste my time on you.

Ever since the folks agreed...I've been thinking about Sydney alot. I really mean alot. 22 months left. I'm so ecstatic!!!!!

NOVEMBER HAS BEEN SUCH AN AWESOME MONTH FOR ME.
First up, I'm thankful to have my girls (Isabell, Joyee & Sukie) for always making my day. College will never be fun without you darlings!! So it's already week 9 of school...2 months gone just like that. I can't describe how happy I am cos I'm finally doing what I really want. All the late night was worth it..I feel accomplished, I can see myself improving bit by bit. I'm just struggling to pay for the damn bill since I've no income so I've to scrimp and save..so please don't ask me out. HAHA! But if you're asking me out to eat good food (I'm talking about real good food..not the fine dining whatsoever), don't hesitate..I'll pig out with you. Especially steamboat! Might be going to JB this weekend..TO EAT.

I think..that's all I have to say. All the best to me..for the final project.

I chanced upon our photo. Freak, it's all coming back. SEE LA SEE LA~~~!!!! GRRRR T_T

Do me a favor, don't rush me when I'm doing my work. Don't annoy me...don't ask me to sleep when I'm not done with my work. My work, my responsibilities, my problem. STOP BEING SUCH A KAYPOH AND GET THE HELL OUTTA MY FACE LA.

P.S I'm so pissy right now GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRAAAAARRRRGGGHHH.

Happy Birthday darlin'..
It's the last time I'll be calling you that..in my head.

Giving you up has been the most challenging thing I had to deal with this year. Like I said, it's funny how you can hurt me without even lifting a finger. So you have your bad days..days when nothing else matters to you except for yourself. And there I was..watching, wanting to help but I know nothing will make you feel better. So I leave you alone. Then we start drifting apart. To be honest, it's quite sad that this is all that's left of our friendship. We were so good together. Everybody's a rebound now...I've spent the last bit of emotions I have..on you. But I guess you never needed that. I feel trippy when I think of you babe.
The heart wants what it cannot have...so in the mean time it will fly out open windows into unfamiliar alleys of callousness.
See? Even my sentences don't make sense now. Damn.

P.S For Christmas, I just want you to drunk dial me just to tell me that you miss me. Euphoria...

I've decided and this time I shall stick by it. I'm going to change the way I live my life. I'm gonna live with $50 per week. I won't be tempted to splurge on anything I want. I'll spend on what I NEED instead. I'll stop skipping classes..I'll do my work properly. I really regret picking up the bad habits that I've come to enjoy for the past 5 years. I want to cut down and quit eventually. Why the sudden change? Cos I realize that I'm growing old day by day...so much to do, so little time. From now onwards, matters of the heart will be kept aside. I won't bother to look back and even remember the good times we've shared cos it hurts just thinking about it. I've decided that I don't need you..this time I mean it. Look, I'm finally over this whole damn thing. I'm over you, I'm putting you aside, never putting you back into the picture, I'm moving on..for good. Those feelings...they were just a phase. You were just a phase.

It's only the 1st sem of school and I'm this tired. I've gotta manage my time properly..won't sleep late unless I have work to do. I've sacrificed my tv time already :(
I've got no life. Seriously. But at the same time, I'm ejoying this so much... :D

“Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life, fall in the category of the most common mistakes made by people that fall in love. Sometimes, you think you’re already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over him just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person..in my opinion, if you truly loved that person you’d never wanna let them go. I would personally be too afraid to see the one I love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of absence of love, love is always present, it’s just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left, maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger..so here’s a piece of advice: Let go when you’re hurting too much. Give up when love isn’t enough and move on when things are not like before..for sure, there is someone out there made just for you.”

So tell me, was I wrong about you..? Was it not at the right time? Was there no spark? Couldn't we have started a fire? Not even a tiny bit? Tell me.....tell me I was wrong about you and that you're a heartbreaker. Tell me you're just like the rest. Take back the words you said that night...you didn't want me to think that you're a bad person? Just because of your past?
It's exactly because of your past..that made me want you even more. When you told me everything that night, it just made me wanna hold you close and let you know that I will always be there. Have I ever walked out on you? Have I given up on you?..
It's amazing how you can hurt me without even lifting a finger..

There's not a Shakespeare sonnet
Or a Beethoven quartet
That's easier to like than you
Or harder to forget.

You think that sound extravagant?
I haven't finished yet -
I like you more than I would like
To have a cigarette.

~Giving Up Smoking -W.Cope